Rock-a-bye, big boy

It's irrational, I know. But it's a fear I can't seem to shake lately. And my guess is, you've likely felt it at some point in your life. Probably since Addison has been born, I've had this underlying fear that something could happen to Seth or I or the kids at any time, and am aware of the horrid grief it would cause. I mostly started realizing it when the kids became particularly "clingy" to one of us--right now, Carter to me. Big time. What if something happened to me?? How would he ever get through that? How would Seth grieve while comforting our babies? (I know, it's deep.)

His preference for one parent (generally me) is annoying at times, but seems to be especially frustrating at bedtime. In fact, a lot of times, we find ourselves getting frustrated by it because I feel gypped on free time and Seth feels gypped on father/son bonding time. Tonight was Seth's night to put Carter to bed and Carter was fine with that...until the time came. At which point he promptly lost it. 

He cried and cried in his room and I was standing my ground--"daddy is putting you down tonight." Seth tried and tried but he really wanted mommy. 

But then that white elephant in my brain crept in...God forbid, what if something happened to him tonight and you were too stubborn to just go in and comfort him? I would never, ever, ever let myself live that down. 

I went in and my precious little boy was sweaty, blotchy, and doing the post-cry heaving. 

"Mommy, rock me." 

Lump in the throat, for sure.

So we rocked. I cuddled and hugged. I sang. I cried a little. And I could slowly feel him relax and start drifting off. I've been here before and I had deja vu. But for some reason, it hit me extra hard tonight. No one is promised forever on this earth and I want to soak up that baby (um, toddler) sweetness as much as I can. 

He's now happily drifted off to sleep and I got extra snuggles with my love bug. 

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. 

Not for the faint of heart.

 

I think I have an issue with perception. Maybe all moms do, I'm not sure. I can't even count the number of times in the last month that I've practically needed to sit--knees to chest--and count to 10 before I lose my mind.

 

Is it just me or do many parents feel like they must be doing something wrong? Is it only mine that cry because the sippy lid is red and not yellow? Are my kids the only inflexible ones when it comes to meal times and bedtime and melt down when we deviate? Do ALL kids hate sleep?! :)

 

For instance:

 

Perception: My house will be tidy and we'll eat wholesome, nutritious meals when I get home from work.

Reality: Screaming kids at 5:27 p.m. when I walk in the door. House a mess. Laundry to ceiling. Must. make. chicken. patties. before. screaming. renders. me. insane.

 

Perception: Sure, no problem, my kids can miss a nap-a-roo today to go to the party.

Reality: Heck yeah they can, but we'll just need to leave early because aforementioned children probably won't stop losing their minds at the party.

 

Perception: I'll sleep 7-8 hours uninterrupted every night.

Reality: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

Perception: I'll still get to go out with my husband for date nights to focus on our marriage, remain happy and stress-free for the kids.

Reality: Date night? What's that?!?!?!

 

Sometimes, I feel like the world mom-guilts us into not being honest with ourselves. I mean, some days, I don't WANT to do any more laundry. I don't want to cook. I'm tired of picking up toys. It's monotonous. I want to sit, in a clean house, and play with my kids!!! Or go do fun things.

 

A blog I read, Momastery, had such a good post about motherhood and the monotony (or, as she calls, MOMotony). Clever, huh? :)

 

My kids are, without a doubt, two of my absolute proudest accomplishments and when I feel that they are hurt/scared/lonely/sad, I can turn mama bear in one second flat, and I love them so much my heart aches, but wow. It's tough, and it's hard to feel that the day-to-day tasks that seem to run you down are having a profound effect on your children.

 

Such a good reminder:

 

"So, mothers, the next time someone asks, “What did you do today?” Please take the time to answer accurately. You did not “clean the bathroom.” This response would be like Annie Leibovitz saying, “Oh, I stood around and pushed some buttons.”

 

No.

 

Today you did the holy work of raising human beings."

 

That time Carter got his head stuck at the grocery store.

I've made it nearly three years with only minor little panics related to Carter, which I think can be considered a victory. Falling and almost banging his head. Almost falling down the steps. Running too close to the pool. But last night he panicked me in a new way.

Just a regular day, I picked the kids up from daycare and we headed to the grocery store. Addison was in her carseat in the back and Carter didn't want to sit in the front seat, so he was walking.

We got all our stuff and got in line. Carter went in first, then the cart, then me. So, he was standing near the bagging area as I put our stuff up on the belt. He decided he wanted to come stand by me, and began to squeeze his way between the metal grocery cart and the wall of the register area beside us.

"Carter, don't do that, you're going to get your head st...."

It happened.

The wailing (translation: FREAKING. OUT.) began instantaneously. I laughed at first because I figured it was a simple little wiggle to get that noggin out.

But no joke, it was wedged in there. My heart dropped and I began to get nervous. It also doesn't help when it's 5:30 p.m. and everyone and their brother is grocery shopping and now subsequently looking at what in the actual heck is happening at register 5.

The Customer Service people froze and watched. The cashier froze. The bagger froze. So I dropped to me knees and worked to wiggle his head out. It's about here where I could hear William Shatner narrating our very own episode of Rescue 911. "It was March 7, 2013 in a small town in Pennsylvania..."

We ended up pulling the cart really tight one way, and pushing the register wall really hard the other to make a millimeter or two of room for me to get his head out.

But, oh the crying. "BANDAID!" "HEAD HURTS!" "MOMMMMMMY!"

Pretty sure all the people coming in at that point just thought he was an out-of-control three year old.

He has a little bruise to show for it, but by the time we got home, he had forgotten about it (though the bruise lives on!).

Just thought he'd freak his mama out a little.



Talking in my sleep

Since I sometimes blog about the funny things Seth says, I figured it's only fair that I do the same for me. :)

Here are some of my during-the-night favorites of just the last few days/weeks, said by your's truly. Hey, I'm tired!! Give me a break!

- It's not uncommon for me to feel like the many-hour long stretch of sleep between feeds is only a few minutes. Several times, when Seth tells me Addison is crying (if he hears her first, which is most of the time), I'll get all snappy and say things like "MY GOSH! I was JUST in to feed her 5 minutes ago!!" and storm out, only to realize that was hours ago. Sometimes, I'll often push him away if he cuddles me at all during the night and tell him to move over or he'll crush the baby, which freaks him out because he thinks I brought her into bed after a feed. I've never brought her to bed with us, yet I continue to bring it up.

- The other night, Seth came home from work. The logo on his shirt is shaped sort of like a large "T." I was already asleep when he walked in our bedroom door, but I quickly sat up in bed and said "Your shirt looks like it has a uterus on it" and laid back down. He busted up laughing and was like HUH!?! I told him again that, without my glasses, his shirt looked like the drawing of a uterus you see in textbooks, doctor's offices, etc. We got a good laugh out of that one.

- Last night, Addison woke up to eat during the night, and, like normal, Seth kicked me to wake me up. I quickly chimed in with a "well, she'll have to wait. I'm warming her bottle now." He was so confused and was like "her bottle?!? Huh?"

I'm scared of what else I might say during the night. I babble like crazy these days...

And, I can't let him get off the hook entirely. Here's my NOT so favorite, almost-smacked-the-husband moment of the week. ;)

- Keeping in mind that I get up to feed Addison during the night almost every night since birth and and that it takes 30 minutes each time...and I also get up for work 25 minutes before him. ANYWAY, a few nights ago, I came back in from feeding her and just fell back asleep when she started fussing. I politely asked him if he would mind going in and tending to her so I could go to sleep. He huffed and got up but on his way out said "ok, but I don't want to be in there too long. I need to be fresh for work tomorrow." PUNK! He almost got the wrath of a sleepy momma. :) Good thing I love him so much!

Last few days of maternity leave...

One week left. That went really, really fast. Besides cleaning, cooking, and running errands to be sure things are as stress-free as possible when we both returned to work, we were soaking up the last few days as a stay-at-home-family. Seth returned to work a few days ago, Carter started daycare full-time again, and Addison starts next Tuesday.

 

What we've been up to...

 

 

 

Rolling in the grass,

 

 

Chalk art,

 

 

Masking tape roads,

 

 

Loving on a smiley little girl.

 

It was a good summer.

A day in the life {maternity leave version}

I saw this on another blog and thought it would be a good idea to write down what life is like at this stage of our life so when things get crazier (because I know they will), I can look back and say "Eh, that wasn't so bad."

Disclaimers: Carter started back to daycare full-time this week, so during the day, it's just Seth (who is still home for summer break from teaching until tomorrow), Addison and I. I really should have done this when Carter was home because THAT was chaos, but oh well... :)

12:00 a.m. - Hearing cries from the nursery, Seth runs in as fast as humanly possible (to avoid waking Carter, who has begun to sleep lightly) to begin changing Addison's diaper while I go to the bathroom and get a drink. I nurse her for about 20 minutes, swaddle her, rock her, and get her back into her crib. She is a chronic "grunter" and my mind cannot settle until I know she is fully asleep, so I plop back in the rocker for some Pinterest surfing while she works out the 10 or so minutes of grunting.

12:35 a.m. - Finally back in bed. Lay there with my mind racing for what feels like an eternity, though I'm guessing it's only around 15 minutes.

3:07 a.m. - Crying from the little girl. Here we go again. She has hiccups and is breaking out of her swaddle. I run in, fix the swaddle, and attempt to nurse her. She eats, albeit not well, and we begin the "get her back to sleep" routine. It is usually not hard, but tonight, she wants to give me a run for my money. Thirty-five minutes in and she is still restless.

4:00 a.m. - Finally back in our room, and I clonk out quickly.

4:30 a.m. - Crying from Addison. Hmm, not a typical night. She rarely ever cries out in between feeds. Seth goes in and gives her a paci.

4:45 a.m. - Paci fell out. In my exhaustion, I tell Seth to just put her in the swing (our God-send). He does and comes back to bed.

6:00 something a.m. - Our door flies open, slamming into our closet door, and Carter comes in bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I pull him up into bed with us, but it's not a settle back down kind of day.

6:30 a.m. - After a brief you-get-up, no-you-get-up, Seth heads to the living room with him, which is a task in and of itself since A is in there sleeping in the swing.

6:42 a.m. - A is crying, C is whining for milk and snacks. Up and at 'em--so much for "sleeping in." Dress Carter for school, pack his breakfast and lunch in his lunchbox, and Seth heads out to drop Carter off. I inhale--and I do mean inhale--some cereal before A is truly awake for the day. When I'm done eating, she's shockingly still sleeping, so I speed shower, trying my hardest not to slice my leg off as I shave as fast as I possibly can. Get out, dry and straighten my hair and apply make-up. I pump and then quick! Feed the dog while there's a second!

7:30 a.m. - Change her and nurse her, though it's not a good one. She's such a grazer and would be content with sips throughout the day. Her first and last feeds of the day are a mess, but we push through. Play time for A, cleaning up, emptying dishwasher, doing laundry, etc. for us. After a while, A is getting fussy, but I'm keeping her awake so she falls asleep in the car while we run errands (she HATES the carseat so this is the way to avoid crying).

9:40 a.m. - Off to run errands - we go to the bank and to Babies R Us for supplies for daycare, which she starts in two weeks.

10:47 a.m. - FINALLY out of BRU. What kind of baby store doesn't carry girl versions of the bottles they sell?!?! We spent way too much time mulling over swaddlers, but found two when all was said and done. We're STARVING already, so we head home for lunch.

11:05 a.m. -  Nurse a very tired baby, who didn't sleep much in the car. Eat lunch. Yes, this early, but we eat when there is peace. More play time and tummy time for A. Diaper change, swaddle, rock, rock, rock. Into the swing for a nap around noon.

12:30 p.m. - I (Danielle) am BEAT so I'm going to lay on the couch for a nap while Seth ran out to visit with a friend at Messiah.

2:00 p.m. - Time to prep dinner! Tonight, it's beef brisket, so I get it all started and tidy up the house. Not much time to prep dinner and a little girl is up ready to play (and eat). Annnnd I pump again, storing up for going back to work in 2 weeks. Seth childproofs our snack cabinet, finishes off the bathroom "remodel," and we do some other odds and ends.

4:00 p.m. - Pick up Carter from school, meet Addison's new teacher, and come home to prep more dinner. Addison is BEAT, so we swaddle her and get her down, but she cries every 5 or so minutes for about 30 minutes until she is finally asleep. I'm prepping dinner, Carter is playing/screaming with joy in the garage, playing with his new Little Tykes house. Seth is back and forth between shushing Addison and playing with Carter.

5:00 p.m. - Dinner time. - beef brisket, corn, and pasta with cheese. Strawberry shortcake for dessert. As always, we inhale, knowing A might be up at any time. But, alas, we make it through dinner interruption-free. I clean up from a very messy dinner, pack Carter's breakfast and lunch for tomorrow, and Seth goes right out to mow the lawn while A is still sleeping. Carter, thankfully, plays outside while I get stuff done.

5:20 p.m. - Just kidding. Carter's freaking because the mower is too loud, so I'm on a hunt for noise-canceling headphones in the garage and holding a screaming child on the deck.

6:22 p.m. - A is still sleeping so it's time to wake a sleeping baby! Gotta get a feed into her to stuff her full before bed. :) Carter is now, for real, happily playing with Seth out back now that the mowing is done. Then, lots of playing in the garage again while Seth and I clean it up and Addison coos in her bouncer.

7:30 p.m. - Bathtime and wind-down time.

8:00 p.m. - Bottle for Addison (who has been refusing to nurse at the before-bed feed for a week now - no idea what that's about?!?), I pump again, and then bedtime for Carter. Forty-five minutes later, Carter is still not asleep, but Addison is and it's time for relaxing time for me (that is, after I clean up the kitchen and living room).

9:30 p.m. - BEDTIME for me. I realize that's early but in just 2.5 hours, it'll be time to do it all again!

Mom Enough?

(source)

Surely you've seen it...the Time Magazine cover that has sparked mommy-wars left and right in the past few weeks. And for good reason. Seriously, Time? Are we "mom enough?" Now, I realize I'm hormonal and fiesty right now and that could be what sparked a little fire, but I know plenty who are fired up about this too and are neither of those things.

The article, in summary, discusses attachement parenting--a "phenomenon" that includes babywearing, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc., etc. Obviously, they used this photo (and accompanying headline) to raise controversy. Bravo, Time. As a marketer, I can successfully say you've succeeded).

But let me get this straight...those who choose not to do those things AREN'T mom enough? I wouldn't know WHY the never-ending feeling of inadequacy plagues moms day in and day out. [Sense my sarcasm]

I did none of those things with my child (nor did I have the desire) and I'd say he's just fine, thankyouverymuch. And it's right for us. Just like doing all those things is right for another mom and her baby.

It'd be nice if we could just call truce on these "mommy wars." Why can't we all just agree to disagree on parenting styles??? I can't even count the number of times I've felt inadequate as a mom and wife in the past two years, all because someone was comparing what I did/do to what is socially appropriate, expected, blah, blah, blah. A lot. Like, a lot. Because, as moms, we just can't do it all and someone is seemingly ALWAYS looking at you with their judgy eyes. ENOUGH!

Last time I checked, birthing my child with drugs still makes me "mom enough."Choosing to bottle feed my son after a few weeks because it just worked better for us made me "mom enough." Not peeing alone for two full years has made me "mom enough." Waking up three times a night for years months on end to feed and rock my baby back to sleep IN HIS OWN ROOM has made me "mom enough." Working 40+ hours a week and then coming home to house that needs to be cleaned, dinner that needs to be made, and a little boy who needs attention (and finding the time, somehow, to do all of it) makes me "mom enough." And all that bathing, caring for, nurturing, singing to, praying with, reading to, teaching, memory making, wet-toddler-kissing, boo-boo tending, loving his daddy stuff?

Yeah, last time I checked, that makes me "mom enough."

At a loss...

Carter's sleep may be at an all-time low, and I'm pretty sure that I'll be making an appointment to have him evaluated by a pediatric sleep specialist at 8:00 a.m. on the dot tomorrow. Prayers would be greatly appreciated right now, as we try our hardest to figure this out before Addison arrives. I feel as though I could need therapy if I have two like this. UGH!

We are at a point where if he goes to bed easily, he is up 10,381 times a night and up for the day at 5:15. If he puts up a fight going to bed, he'll sleep slightly later. It is NEVER to bed easily, not up at all, and sleeping until a normal hour. Never in almost 2 years.

Within the past 2-3 days, he is absolutely TERRIFIED of his room, crib, and all things associated with it and starts getting all nervous and weepy at the mention of it. I've had to rock him for naps and at bedtime the past 2 nights, and tonight, we rocked for a very long time only for him to wake up as he was being laid down - and is now going on 15 minutes of absolute screaming.

So yes, prayers. For sleep. For sanity. For answers.

Le sigh...

Things I've learned from being a mom...of a toddler

Sorry it's been a year since we've updated. Life is hectic and I'm tired all the time and there just isn't that much you probably care about going on. :)

One of my favorite bloggers did a list of things she's learned from being a mom to a baby (and another one on the way!), and I thought it was adorable and funny. So here's my list of things I've learned from mothering a toddler (with another one on the way!):

- Always have snacks. I do mean always. At the grocery store, gas station, mall, car, anywhere - have something. You will pay if you do not.

- Go to bed at a decent time because chances are, toddler will not care that you went to bed at midnight, and they will be raring and tearing to go at 4:45 a.m. Hypothetically speaking, of course. And, it's true - putting them to bed later does not equal sleeping later. It equals a toddler with less sleep, because they WILL still get up at 4:45 a.m.

- When you are a working mom, toddlers want your undivided attention when you walk in that door. So expect a little lump hanging on your right leg while you stir pasta, mix up sauce, and simultaneously chop lettuce for salads. Give them "chores" to keep them busy. Handing them single utensils to "set the table" will help kill a few minutes of said toddler not hanging on your leg. :)

- ....which leads me to this. No longer plan on eating dinner at 6:30 or 7:00 p.m. 5:00 is the new "in" time because toddlers are famished after daycare where they received two healthy, well-rounded meals, and two nutricious snacks.

- Plan to get very excited about airplanes in the sky, big trucks driving beside you on the road, diggers in the parking lot, and the fish in the tank at church. And it's super cute. :)

- They will want to hold your hand all the time - and it will melt your heart. How is my baby almost TWO already?!?!?! I hope he holds my hand when he is 18. I don't think he will. But I hope. :)

- You need patience, and a lot of it.

There are so many more I could write, but I'll leave it at this: a toddler has taught me A LOT in life. I'm stressed and tired, but blessed and overwhelmingly happy. I love my little life and my little boy and I can't believe he's going to be a big brother in a few months!

Deep Breaths

The past few days have been...rough. To say the least. I'm pretty sure it's just a wickedly bad culmination of over a week of "out of his routine" but Carter is giving us a run for our money. It is, quite honestly, wearing me down. He has entered into the terrible twos a few months prematurely, and we're trying to manage appropriately, but the refusal to nap and the other little shenanigans are tough for any parent.

Just tonight, he took a bite of red velvet cake, ran to the living room and promptly spit it out on our tan carpet. Cue deep breaths. (Though I think that would make ANY mom go a little nuts, am I right?!?) I cleaned it up, and gave him a cleaner snack of cheerios. That's a safe one. He walked to the living room and spilled the entire dish everywhere. Keep breathing...

We're going to be praying for a lot of patience before July 3, when we will have a terrible-twos toddler and a no-sleep baby (wait, we will also have one of those in toddler form too). :) I'm sure we will rise to the occasion and Carter is just in a typical toddler phase that he'll grow out of.

For now, I'll recite the quote above (and perhaps the Serenity Prayer a time or two), and thank God for my precious little boy who is giving me a few early gray hairs. 

And then take a nap.

Amen.



You know you're a mom when...

...packing a lunch no longer consists of a ham and cheese sandwich thrown haphazardly in a Ziploc. Nope, lunches now take on a whole new level of creativity. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do to get your toddler to love a variety of healthy foods, right?! :)

...you give your dog the "all done" sign when he is begging.
...you can clip 10 fingernails and 10 toes in 10 seconds flat.
...your drink consistently has "floaties" in it because a certain little boy would like a sip.
...you have something hanging on your leg beginning at 5 p.m. because they need dinner NOW.
...you have your child's birthday parties planned many months in advance because you saw an invitation you loved and it spiraled from there.
...your child belches in your face when you're sweetly rocking him and singing to him.
...8 p.m. becomes the magic time of the night where you can finally consider sitting down.

Wouldn't trade a second of it! :)

Parenting Advice...

I'm clearly no expert - heck, somedays I simply survive. I probably had way more parenting advice to give before I actually became a parent myself (isn't that funny how that works??), but now my advice is vastly different. I imagine that every "I will never do that" or "I will do x, y, z" that came from my mouth was giving God a SERIOUS laugh.

My advice is pretty simple: you have to do what works for your child. Some kids sleep. Some don't. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Some kids eat well. Some don't. Some wake up late. Some don't. Again, hypothetically speaking. You can plan and plan to your little heart's content, but parenthood is a play-it-by-ear sort of thing.

My other advice is to try to remain as calm and patient as feasibly possible. I realize that those of you who know me may be laughing right now, but seriously, this is important and I'm working on it. Some things in life are not worth the drama of getting worked up.

Finally, do not compare your child to other people's children. Again, every kid is different. In just fifteen short months, I can remember freaking out because Carter wasn't a) walking b) teething c) sleeping d) crawling e) all of the above. Turns out, he learned all of those things and grew all of those teeth (trust me, he let us know for every.single.tooth). Who cares if Jack walked at 8 months? When they're 3, none of that will matter. And when they're 18, no one will say "well, I had all my teeth by the time I was a year old." Who cares?! It all happens when it's meant to happen. :)

They grow up SO FAST - enjoy it. Case in point: this picture is ONE YEAR AGO. I almost refuse to believe it, and it has me all sappy and mushy.

That's all for me. We're doing this parenthood thing...and loving it. Sure, some days are REALLY hard, but more times than not, they're great. We owe it to the squishy little blue-eyed, blonde-haired, cutest little boy in the world to be the best parents we can be.

So we'll figure it out day by day, even if it means we're scratching our heads wondering what in the world we're doing. :)

Lessons Learned

Almost a whole year of being parents. On one hand, it seems like I blinked and the time has passed. On the other, it feels like we’ve been doing this parent thing for way longer. We’ve learned a lot over the past year. To document this monumental milestone in our lives, here are some of my/our lessons learned a few days shy of our baby’s first birthday. Grab a cup of coffee – I’ve learned a lot.

I’ve learned that epidurals are heaven, and people who choose to go drug-free are not heroes, they are crazy. Kidding. (Sort of.) :) Without a doubt, this made the delivery so much more memorable to me (rather than torture) and I would never consider it any other way. I’ve also learned that, when you are in labor, a doctor telling you that you are not does not go over well.

I’ve learned that breastfeeding is HARD and caused amounts of stress that I was not prepared for. Next time, I’ll take the books seriously. And hire a live-in lactation consultant.

I’ve learned that the “baby blues” can happen to anyone, no matter how loving of a marriage you are in, how prepared you think you are, and how much help you have. Boy, are they tough on you. Which leads me to my next lesson learned – family, friends, and neighbors are more than willing to help out and it is a God-send. Always let them help.

I’ve learned that “sleep when the baby sleeps” is essential – sometimes even when they are almost a year old. I’m just sayin’. Oh, and whoever coined the phrase “sleeping like a baby” is a liar. Babies sleep like crap. I never want my child to sleep like a baby.

I’ve learned that, once you have a child, “getting ready” means taking a shower. And maybe putting on some clean clothing.

I’ve learned that my husband is capable of doing things I would have never thought – watching the baby without me (even overnight!), changing many poopy diapers, running errands with him, and on and on. (Though sometimes he may act like he's not capable). :)

I’ve learned that teething is cruel. To everyone involved.

I’ve learned that daycare kids do get sick…but so do non-daycare kids. I’ll be thankful for these frustrating sicknesses now when he’s in kindergarten. And I'll be thankful for the day when people stop assuming every sickness is solely because we have decided to place him in daycare.

I’ve learned that my baby is healthy, no matter how “large” a perfect stranger will claim him to be.

I’ve learned that separation anxiety is frustrating…and also soul-touching. He just wants his mama. Even when I’m missing sleep, I can’t help but sniff his soft, stick-up hair while I rock him back to sleep and be so thankful he’s mine.

I’ve learned that boys will be boys. They don’t like their fingernails clipped, even as a baby, and then do not even think twice about eating the dog food when another snack is not readily available.

I've learned that baby boys do not pee on their parents nearly as much as movies and other people might suggest. In one year, I have never once been peed on (knock on wood). The pee-pee tee-pee is just a marketing ploy!

I’ve learned that pets become more annoying after you have kids. I know I’m not alone here, RIGHT?! I mean, did he always stand in my way before and I just didn’t notice it??? (To be fair, he is also really good with Carter and is such a good sport about Carter "playing" with him).

I’ve learned that working full-time and being a mom is tough, but also rewarding.

I’ve learned that date nights are the key to sanity. But also that, when I’m on one, I can’t stop thinking about Carter and how I can’t wait to get home to put him down for bed/give him a bath/feed him/hug him. I miss him even when I’m gone for a few hours!

I’ve learned what it feels like to worry non-stop. Is that cough really pneumonia? Whooping cough? HE HAS A FEVER?! Heaven help the nurse line.

I’ve learned that every little milestone is huge in our books. First teeth, first crawl, first laugh, clapping, peek-a-boo, “sooo big” – all are incredibly exciting to parents (maybe not to those who we bore with the details, but to us!).

I’ve learned that a rear-facing car seat in a two-door car is horribly frustrating and time-consuming. Your child will get his head bumped many times a day as you get in and out.

I’ve learned that you should never claim what you will and won’t do before you have kids of your own, because when the time comes, you do what works.

I’ve learned that apparently, 6:30 a.m. IS sleeping in now. Boo.

I’ve learned that the most random objects make the best toys – think: paper towel rolls, spoons, container of tic tacs.

I’ve learned that when people swear around my baby, I want to smack them.

I’ve learned that open-mouthed kisses from a droolly baby are the perfect kisses.

I’ve learned that the maker of the snack trap, Baby Einstein, the pacifier leash, mum-mum’s, and grocery cart covers are the true geniuses of our day.

I’ve learned that daddies have no idea about planning a first birthday party and they should never impose something stupid like a “budget” on the mommy for the aforementioned party.

I've learned that babies have cat-like reflexes that, when combined with your expensive camera, result in a lack of expensive camera.

I've learned that when you give a child something messy like spaghetti for dinner, their hands will instinctively go right to their hair.

I’ve learned what it feels like to love a child so bad it hurts.

Carter Nicholas, we love you so much and are so thankful we get to be your parents. You are such a joy to us. We can’t wait to watch you grow up and experience all having a little boy has to offer. We are so proud of everything you’ve accomplished already and we pray you’ll grow up to be God-fearing, respectful, loving, and kind.

We love you lots.
Mommy and Daddy

Joy.

I'm stressed. I have had a headache every single day for two weeks. My eyes are blazing red from what the doctor describes as "either allergies or something else." Um, gee, thanks. So informative.

Tonight, after I cleaned, caught up on the work I didn't get to when I left work early to get Carter from daycare, grocery shopped, bathed Carter and put him in bed, I plopped on the couch. He started to cry. Oi vey.

I went back and patted his back for awhile and then just stood there and did nothing. Which he was perfectly content with. He was just content with my presence.

At that very moment, I was completely overcome with joy. Being a mom (or dad) is hard, ya'll. Most of you who read this know first hand (most of you know it times 2, or 3, or some even 4). But, there are just some days that I am so overcome with love for that little stinker that I forget all the stresses that come up in a day.

My heart might burst if I look at this picture too much...love my boys.

Sappy Moment

Seriously, our baby boy is almost 10 months old. I can't believe it, and I'm sort of refusing to believe it. He's in a stage where he is learning so much and trying so many new things, so it is very fun. And, on Monday, he moves to the "big boy room" at daycare. Of course, it made me all sad and I kept saying "he's not ready, he's not ready."

This morning, I talked to one of his new teachers. She was wonderful and sweet. She said that the past week or two during his "transition phase," he has been in that room for part or most of the day. All of my worries were washed away this morning when she told me he is such a good eater (hmm, you think?), is wonderful with his pincer grasp, has so much fun playing and romping with the other kids, and takes wonderful naps on his cot (HUH!? Really??? This is my biggest fear). Plus, she said he is a lovey and is so cuddly and affectionate which made me all weepy and proud inside.

When I was leaving, my big boy was sitting in a little chair at the table, eating pancake pieces with all the other kids. I turned around on my way out the door and said "bye, dude. Mommy loves you" and smiled really big at him.

And then, he smiled and waved back at me. At the perfectly appropriate time.

I almost lost it in my car. Love that kid.

A New Sleep Hurdle

As if we don't already have enough trouble getting our almost NINE MONTH OLD to sleep (and sleep well) at night, he thought he'd add another hurdle into the mix.

Sidenote: After 3 weeks of sleeping through the night every single night, he is now waking again a few times a night. We have just been letting him fuss/cry and he falls back asleep (though still waking anywhere from 5:45-6:15, which, quite frankly, is absurd.). Turns out, we've figured out the culprit.

A few nights ago, he just sounded different while he was crying, like something was definitely not as it normally is. So I peeked in his room, and sure enough, he was standing up in his crib.

The past 2 weeks, he has advanced like CRAZY with standing and (army) crawling. He pulls himself up on everything in sight - the couch, people's legs, the bathtub ledge, the exersaucer, TV stand, everything. And he can get from point A to point B in no time flat.

So now, he thinks the perfect time to continue practicing these new developments is during the night. He continues to stand in his crib, pull down stuffed animals, yell for da-da, do his creepy laugh, knock the monitor to the floor...

....and then fall backwards and bump his head, which leads to hysteria. He's slightly dramatic.

I have no idea where he gets that. Ahem.

Last night, this scene happened twice (sleep, wake up, stand up, be a menace, fall backwards, scream, need mama to rub head and help him fall back asleep). By 3 a.m., he was in new hysterics because not only did he hit his head, but now we were leaving the room after he settled. Silly, mommy, trying to go back to bed during the night.

I'm sure this is just another (lack of) sleep phase that will pass sometime soon, but for now, we'll lower the crib even more and buy those ugly, padded crib rail protectors to prevent bite marks and hopefully soften the clunk to the head.

King of the World!

Seth does this thing with Carter where he stands him on his shoulders and parades him around the house and says "I'm King of the World!" Carter gets a good laugh out of it, and it's super cute.

Well, he brought the king into the nursery the other night, loudly declaring "I'm King of the World!" No sooner had the words left his mouth, and "BONK!," Seth hits Carter's head off the ceiling fan in the room. He put his lip down, about to cry when we did the "keep-the-baby-from-crying" clap and dance, which totally worked.

I, laughingly, declared an end to "King of the World!"

Well, Seth just called me at work a few minutes ago and said Carter was up from his nap (he's home with him today since Carter is still sick). He said Carter "bonked his head." I said "aww, how??"

Sheepishly (and holding back a chuckle) he said, "...oh, you know, playing "King of the World!" Sure enough, he reinstated the game and paraded him into the living room only to bonk his head off the archway.

Good grief. He surely must not feel very royal when playing this game.

Daddy is going to be demoted from game creation now unless it involves sitting on the floor.

Reassurance.

Things haven't been horrible lately with Carter's sleeping. Just bad enough that something's gotta give. The past few nights, we've really been trying hard to put him down awake and let him fall asleep on his own; this way, he will hopefully apply those very same practices when he wakes during the night to get himself back to sleep.

I bought Dr. Ferber's book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, today, and I am feeling more confident in our decision. Starting tonight, his bottle gets cut drastically back (in an attempt to wean him off of the during-the-night bottle) and he will need to cry until he falls asleep during the night (with us going in to check every 1, 3, 5, and then 10 minutes).

I feel that natural motherly instincts make this feel all sorts of wrong. In the wild, mother animals instantly react and respond to their young's cries, so it just seems so unnatural that human moms would do any different. But, I feel that in a week, we'll be thankful, and we'll all be happier. And granted, it's not like we don't love and protect Carter. We check on him, are sure he's fed and safe, and he is extemely assured that he is loved.

But nonetheless, it's had me stressed today. I've prayed about it a lot and spent the whole time I was feeding him his bottle a few minutes ago praying with him. Shockingly, I took him to his crib and kissed him, told him we loved him, and I laid him down, where he instantly fell asleep...ON HIS OWN.

I walked into the living room and sat down and said that put down was almost too easy and that I am nervous for tonight.

Just then, the phone rang. Semi-annoyed, I ran to the kitchen to get it, lest it wake our sleeping child.

It was our church's prayer committee....asking if there is anything they can pray for us about tonight.

Wow.

I told them about how our son isn't a very good sleeper and that it has us exhausted, and that just tonight, we are really diving into sleep training and are anxious about it.

She told me they are praying at 8:30 and that there are many moms who've been there on the committee that will be praying.

I guess God knew we need extra prayers right now.

"Trust in Him at all times; pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge." - Psalm 62:8

The First-Time-Mom Great Debate

Since becoming a new mom (and dad for Seth), it seems like everything, and I do mean everything, is a decision. Nothing is cut and dry. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there for new parents, and I feel like I struggle with it a lot. We basically have no idea what we're doing, so we learn as we go. But, ohmyword, SO many decisions!

Sleep in your room or sleep in their's? Breastfeed or bottle feed? Pacifier or not? Cry it out or not? Solids at 4 months, 5 months, 6 months? TV or no TV? Spank or don't spank? Good Lord, have mercy. My head feels like it is spinning most days.

I've read a lot. I've asked the doctor a lot of questions (and then I've been thankful that most times when I call, they don't even ask for our name when giving advice so they don't know it is me again ha!). I've asked experienced moms. I've winged (is that even a word???) it.

And you know what? I think we're finally learning something.

We've learned that each and every kid is vastly different. And every parenting style is different. What works for others might be so wrong for us. And what we feel strongly about might make others say pshh, please, that isn't even a big deal.

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, none of these little things will matter someday. I've never been involved in a conversation where I've said "Oh, you're so healthy! That means you must have been breastfed!" Or "Wow, your IQ is so high, you must not have been allowed to watch TV until you were 2 or older." It's all a scam to make us new moms go INSANE and confuse us to death.

I've learned that I love my son to pieces and would do anything for him. That if it takes spanking to make him learn, then that is what will happen. That bottlefeeding him is just fine. That crying it out may never work for me because I get upset watching him getting worked up and sweaty and looking all alone. If it means I won't sleep until he goes to kindergarten (or I introduce Nyquil), then so be it I guess. I've learned that Baby Einstein is a lifesaver because it means I can make dinner. That the pacifier gods can help me break that habit someday because there is no way we can deal with weaning him anytime soon. That feeding him solids at 5 months instead of 6 (GASP!) is not the worst thing ever.

I'm going to really try to not be so uptight and just do what works...FOR US.

Because there is one cutie little baby that is depending on us to be happy, joyful, loving parents who meet his basic needs for food (clearly, he's getting it), shelter (check!), clothing (he's set!), and love (covered on all sorts of bases). And if we're worried about all of those little nonsensical parenting things, there is no way we can be the best parents to him.

Life's too short to worry about stuff like this.

"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere."

I'll be the Classroom Mom!

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have been so excited to be "that mom." You know the one. The one who bakes homemade goods, decorates them cutely and sends them into school with their kid. Or makes them create cute Valentines. And helps host cute parties for the little ones.

Well, lucky for me, Carter's daycare often seems like a real school so this could be a reality for me. Ha! Picture day was yesterday, and you better believe I decked him out in his finest fall gear. I spit-shined his hair (kidding. Sort of.) and I delivered him fed and happy so that he would smile. She said he did great, but because he wasn't sitting very straight they had to put him on his belly. Oh well, I think you'll still get the effect of the outfit.

This Sunday is his school's Fall Fest at a local orchard market, which should be fun. You know I signed up for the cupcakes. What else would I take? Especially when there will be 70 families there who have kids that have birthday parties and they might need cupcakes. :) I'm making these, except I envision a slightly different look for the icing, though it will still look like candy corn. Anyway, I'm excited to go and meet other families, do some pumpkin picking, go on a hayride with Carter (hopefully), and more.


This morning when I dropped him off, his teacher was talking about his Halloween parade (he's going as a monkey--a chunky monkey to be exact--if you were wondering). She said they start at 9 but could use some extra hands beforehand and I was welcome to help. Um, yes please. Babies dressed up in costume?? I'm there!! So I'm becoming a classroom mom for real now. :)

Anyway, that's all for now. Oh wait. In other news, Bentley is becoming a devil dog. The jealousy of a baby has suddenly kicked in full force. He has started destroying things lately. Namely, the rug by the front door. Then another day, a blanket. I cut it down to remove the ripped parts to salvage it and he ruined the other half the next day. Grrr. Then it was the laundry bag that holds Carter's tiny things like socks. And yesterday it was another blanket.

He has one more strike and then he'll be for sale for the low, low price of free (kidding, I think). ;)

Or we'll turn him into a little brown rug to replace the one he ruined at the front door.