Out of mouths of babes.

So let's talk about Carter and the things he says for a teeny tiny minute, shall we?

Last night while I wrestled him, my shirt came up a little. I saw it right away. He noticed my stretch marks. And let me tell ya--they ain't too pretty.

He looked concerned and said "what is THAT?" I asked him to clarify, knowing full-well what he meant. "Those wrinkly things."

"Oh, those are stretch marks, buddy. YOU caused them!" as I tickled him to the floor.

He chuckled and hit me hard with the truth (apparently): "No, I think you ate too much dinner."

Touche, my little boy. Touche.

Can't make this stuff up, folks. Kids really do know how to make their moms feel fab, huh? ;)


SIDENOTE: However, with my 3-4 times/week gym plan, and my eating plan from the nutritionist, I have lost 5 pounds. CARTER. NICHOLAS.

Only funny in hindsight

On Thursday, I left work about twenty minutes early, which was nice. It was Seth's last day of school and I had talked to him at 3:15 or so, while he was still at school. I tried calling him once or twice while I was at work but he didn't answer. Shocker. (He is notorious for this).

I called again a few times when I left work so that I could tell him what to get out for dinner, but he didn't answer...again. By this time, it was 5:10, and that's odd to not talk to him until that point. Usually the kids are freaking for dinner. I was getting increasingly annoyed, mostly because he wasn't picking up and that is a PET PEEVE in our marriage. :)

But then, I had a little chat with the kids' daycare in which I learned that Seth had not gotten them yet (our contracted pick-up time is 4:45, so this was DEFINITELY odd).

Cue panic.

I tend to freak out that something will happen to him often, so this reallllly freaked me out. It's not unlike him to not answer his phone, but it's definitely out of character for him to not pick up the kids. I called my sister to talk me off the ledge of panic while I drove. No lie, I was about to throw up because all I could think of was that he was in a car accident. In my panic, I got off the wrong exit (well, it's the correct exit, but the road to daycare is closed that way right now for construction). So, I ended up detouring all over the place, which sucks when you're worried/nervous/about to barf.

I hung up with my sister and called two ERs in our area. No husband. Well, that's good.

Called a third. No husband.

I got to daycare and got the kids. The center was closed but someone was sitting there waiting with them. Awful feeling, for sure. (And $1/minute when you're late. Super. 45 minutes.)

Then I called my mother-in-law (probably freaking her out) and asked if she had talked to him. She hadn't, so now the panic has kicked up a notch. At this point, I was literally shaking so bad and literally praying non-stop that he was fine and just had a flat tire or something.

I come flying down the street, thinking I'll be heading back out to backtrack his drive from work soon, when I see our garage door open. His car was in the garage, and I was literally scared to go inside because I feared that he'd had a heart attack or something (Do you know me? I'm a chronic over-reactor, thanks.)

I carefully walk in the door and...

HE WAS ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. (He set his alarm for a little cat-nap and obviously missed the alarm).

ThankyouJesus, he's alive. (Though I wasn't sure he would be for long, once I got to him.)

I was so relieved/annoyed/happy/mad, it took me awhile to get out of my funk, but thankfully it's funny looking back now.

Carter-isms

I feel like every few weeks, I need to write an update with the new (and often hilarious) things Carter has been saying and/or doing. The last few weeks have been no exception. The kid is just so funny!

Yesterday, I was home with both sick kids (pink eye for both with nasty coughs) and he was once again vacuuming our house. It's his new thing ever since he realized that the really long handle shortens down to his exact height. He was concentrating heavily on his vacuuming and then suddenly turned it off, slyly walked up to me and said "Mama? Are you nervous about Christmas?" I seriously could not stop laughing (and am also completely unsure of what to make of this.)

Yesterday was also my dad's birthday so while we were outside playing, we decided to call him at work to wish him a happy birthday. I gave Carter the phone and told him that when he heard Pa answer to say "Happy birthday, Pa!". He listened intently and when my dad answered, Carter said "Hi Pa. My mower is out of gas." !?!?!?! Again, dying laughing.

He also has this little quirk where hair--namely my long, blonde, ones but any hair in general--are called "ties." I have no idea where this came from, but he has developed a new fear/aversion to all "ties", especially loose ones that are on his clothes. One night, he was frantically smacking his arms and legs saying/crying "There are ties EVERYWHERE!!!" It took me forever to convince him that those ties BELONG on his arms and legs.

We've been really working with him on what it means to obey, so often times when we are heading out somewhere or where we anticipate disobedience, we go over what it means to obey. The very first time we asked him this, he said obey means "to be nice." We asked him what else it meant, and he always proceeds to tell us it means "don't be sassy" and "be nice." We're still working on the "listen to mommy and daddy" part, but he's getting there. :) We LOVED the "don't be sassy" part--cracked us up!

He is dramatic, intense, loud (oh, so loud), loves dirt but cannot stand to keep his shirt on if something spills on it, and ALL. BOY. He's teaching me so much about patience and little boys in general and I just love it. He's so cute I sometimes can't stand it and smooch his little cheeks like he's still my infant. :) And...I sort of die when he calls Addison "pretty little girl." Precious.

That time Carter got his head stuck at the grocery store.

I've made it nearly three years with only minor little panics related to Carter, which I think can be considered a victory. Falling and almost banging his head. Almost falling down the steps. Running too close to the pool. But last night he panicked me in a new way.

Just a regular day, I picked the kids up from daycare and we headed to the grocery store. Addison was in her carseat in the back and Carter didn't want to sit in the front seat, so he was walking.

We got all our stuff and got in line. Carter went in first, then the cart, then me. So, he was standing near the bagging area as I put our stuff up on the belt. He decided he wanted to come stand by me, and began to squeeze his way between the metal grocery cart and the wall of the register area beside us.

"Carter, don't do that, you're going to get your head st...."

It happened.

The wailing (translation: FREAKING. OUT.) began instantaneously. I laughed at first because I figured it was a simple little wiggle to get that noggin out.

But no joke, it was wedged in there. My heart dropped and I began to get nervous. It also doesn't help when it's 5:30 p.m. and everyone and their brother is grocery shopping and now subsequently looking at what in the actual heck is happening at register 5.

The Customer Service people froze and watched. The cashier froze. The bagger froze. So I dropped to me knees and worked to wiggle his head out. It's about here where I could hear William Shatner narrating our very own episode of Rescue 911. "It was March 7, 2013 in a small town in Pennsylvania..."

We ended up pulling the cart really tight one way, and pushing the register wall really hard the other to make a millimeter or two of room for me to get his head out.

But, oh the crying. "BANDAID!" "HEAD HURTS!" "MOMMMMMMY!"

Pretty sure all the people coming in at that point just thought he was an out-of-control three year old.

He has a little bruise to show for it, but by the time we got home, he had forgotten about it (though the bruise lives on!).

Just thought he'd freak his mama out a little.



One hilarious kid.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Carter is downright funny. He makes me laugh all the time. Here are a few of the most recent scenarios:

- In the bathtub the other night, Carter leaned down to Addison and said in a little baby voice "Hi pretty girl. You have thunder thighs." I seriously died laughing. I have NO idea where he heard this but I assured him it would be the first AND last time he told a girl she had thunder thighs.

- At bedtime tonight, he was saying his bedtime prayer (which, by the way, prayers are often a source of hilariousness). He thanked Jesus for the normal things, paused, and then kept going. "...for pictures. For Mickey Mouse." Again, I had to bite my cheeks from cracking up laughing.

- Bentley ate a box of 24 crayons last week. The vet told us to expect a colorful yard in 3-5 days but that it was otherwise not a big deal. Last night, Carter was outside with Seth while he mowed the lawn. He proceeded to ask Seth why Bentley's poop had sprinkles in it. HAHAHA.

I seriously love this kid and am thankful he makes me laugh so much!

Out of mouths of babes...

Carter says the most random, funniest things sometimes. Here are a few from the past week or two I don't want to forget. :)

Carter: I love daddy.
Me: Aww, and why do you love your daddy?
Carter: He has money.

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Mommy (talking to Carter wearing his new big boy undies): You have such a cute little bottom.
Carter: bottom
Mommy: Yep, who has a little bottom?
Carter: Mommy. (good boy)
Mommy: Mommy does??
Carter: No, mommy has a big bottom. Carter has a little bottom. (bad boy) :)

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(On a Friday night when Seth was working...)

Mommy: Ok, bud, what do you want to do tonight?
Carter: Shake my booty.

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Such a funny stage he's in. I could probably think of a million more, but there are just sooo many to even record. :)

Talking in my sleep

Since I sometimes blog about the funny things Seth says, I figured it's only fair that I do the same for me. :)

Here are some of my during-the-night favorites of just the last few days/weeks, said by your's truly. Hey, I'm tired!! Give me a break!

- It's not uncommon for me to feel like the many-hour long stretch of sleep between feeds is only a few minutes. Several times, when Seth tells me Addison is crying (if he hears her first, which is most of the time), I'll get all snappy and say things like "MY GOSH! I was JUST in to feed her 5 minutes ago!!" and storm out, only to realize that was hours ago. Sometimes, I'll often push him away if he cuddles me at all during the night and tell him to move over or he'll crush the baby, which freaks him out because he thinks I brought her into bed after a feed. I've never brought her to bed with us, yet I continue to bring it up.

- The other night, Seth came home from work. The logo on his shirt is shaped sort of like a large "T." I was already asleep when he walked in our bedroom door, but I quickly sat up in bed and said "Your shirt looks like it has a uterus on it" and laid back down. He busted up laughing and was like HUH!?! I told him again that, without my glasses, his shirt looked like the drawing of a uterus you see in textbooks, doctor's offices, etc. We got a good laugh out of that one.

- Last night, Addison woke up to eat during the night, and, like normal, Seth kicked me to wake me up. I quickly chimed in with a "well, she'll have to wait. I'm warming her bottle now." He was so confused and was like "her bottle?!? Huh?"

I'm scared of what else I might say during the night. I babble like crazy these days...

And, I can't let him get off the hook entirely. Here's my NOT so favorite, almost-smacked-the-husband moment of the week. ;)

- Keeping in mind that I get up to feed Addison during the night almost every night since birth and and that it takes 30 minutes each time...and I also get up for work 25 minutes before him. ANYWAY, a few nights ago, I came back in from feeding her and just fell back asleep when she started fussing. I politely asked him if he would mind going in and tending to her so I could go to sleep. He huffed and got up but on his way out said "ok, but I don't want to be in there too long. I need to be fresh for work tomorrow." PUNK! He almost got the wrath of a sleepy momma. :) Good thing I love him so much!

A few funny things

Carter has been SO funny lately. Sometimes, we really shouldn't be laughing (you know how that is -- when your kid does something hilarious but semi-inappropriate). I fear that if I don't write these down anyway, I will regret it someday. haha.

- Carter knows...um, a lot...about breastfeeding. He's very curious, and let's be frank--it happens like 436 times a day, so he was bound to start being curious. ONE TIME he asked me "what's that?" and I answered honestly with "nipples." Well, he's now developed this unique voice (evil sounding) and he says that word at the WORST TIMES. At one of Seth's softball games, he took off, ran into the middle of the huddle, yelled "nipples!" in his evil voice and took off. Seriously??? HILARIOUS though.

- He mixes up letters in the cutest (and again, some not-so-appropriate) ways. He says "hos-i-pal" instead of hospital, "apple-loss" instead of applesauce, and, when Addison is fussy, accidentally mixes up the first letters of her nickname: fuss bucket. You do the math. :) Praying he never says that in public.

- He shakes his booty all the time, and has found a new activity in standing on our coffee table and jumping onto the couch. He also does this from his bed to the floor. Boys will be boys, right?? Well, two times this week, I told him to stop jumping or he's going to -- BAM! BOTH TIMES he face planted. I felt bad for him but was trying so hard not to laugh. Those life lessons sure are tough, huh? :)

Carter's First Haircut. And the day I vowed he'd never get another.

One day, I woke up and naively thought it would be a super day for Carter to get his hair cut. It had been a mess the past few weeks, and picture day is coming up at school. Seth had a work event and I'm crazy, so I went along with my original (terrible) plan. I called a local salon at 8:05 a.m. and they told me they only had one appointment left at 8:20 a.m. Ten minutes away. I have never gotten us dressed and presentable so fast. I think Carter thought we were going somewhere fun.

Wrong, little boy, wrong.

When we got there (only two minutes late!), he went right into the chair. The only way I can describe it is that he was completely terrified. He was as still as could be and was just staring at me to make sure I didn't leave him. I told her to just do the haircut he had, but shorter, so as to not waste any time. And she quickly--very quickly--got to work. I was nervous that it would be all uneven she was going so fast. Guess they do enough of these to know what to do...

This is approximately three minutes into the haircut, and about the time he realized this lady had scissors. I am serious, every time Seth and I have tried to cut his hair, he acts like the scissors are going to kill him.

I very quickly broke out the cheese curls I had packed for some 8:30 a.m. bribery. It worked like a charm for exactly two minutes. And that's when I broke out the fruit snacks. What? Don't judge. :)

And then it happened. The meltdown began, and it was bad. I'm not going to lie to you, every old lady in the place was talking about the "sweet boy" whose mom was making him get a hair cut. Thankfully, they all seemed to pity us and not want to curse us out of there.

He freaked so bad that I had to hold him, and we eventually got to a point where she was unable to finish around one of the ears because there was a risk she'd cut him. We gave up and called it a haircut.

$1 later (seriously, they charge $1 per age of the child, though she got a pretty sweet tip for that experience), we were on our way. Later in the day, I came in for the stealth mommy last minute snip above the ear, and the little boy was good as new. :)

I'm praying his hair doesn't grow again for a LONG time because that was a lot of stress for one day. :)

Out of mouths of babes...

Carter does still occasionally tell us when he wants a "nack." But recently, oh, a new form of adorableness has entered the equation.

We always tell him to fold his hands so we can pray with him before we eat meals.

So now, when he wants a "nack" or he's ready to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner, he simply says "Amen" and folds his hands.

Cutest. thing. ever.

(and he knows it)

So he's not a Penn State fan...

Carter Goes to the Dentist

Weird, I know, especially considering he's only one. But baby books recommend their first visit by around one year old, so I thought ah, what the heck? So, he had his first appointment on May 31, and trust me, it went exactly as I anticipated.

Which is why, when asked on the new patient paperwork how I thought he might react to such nonsense as the dentist, I checked the box that said "poorly." I was just being real.

All went swimmingly well in the waiting room. It was a pediatric dentist, so there were bright colors and fish tanks to distract. But things started to get dicey about the time they said "Carter."

Exhibit A:

The one year visit consists of some mouth checking, some tartar/plaque scraping (YEAH RIGHT), and flouride. They had him sit on my lap facing me, and recline back into the hygentist's lap. He did really, really well for a few seconds and then as soon as she put that metal pick thing in his mouth, he started to cry. Fortunately, all the crying left the mouth wide open, which was perfect for quick flouride application. They told me he was about to break all 4 canine teeth and all 4 molars. Super. :) But then the appointment was already over. Not much to it. Because he was a good boy, he got to pick a small prize out of the treasure chest.

Heaven help me. (Though it is hilarious when you think of the whole scenario and the absurdity of it all).

He quickly chose a toy (in his hand in the photo above), but when I put the chest back up on the counter, little man FREAKED out, and threw a major temper tantrum complete with back arching, teeth clenching, and shrill screams. Seems as though he wanted two trinkets. I brought the treasure chest back down and he picked out an alien-faced bright green ball, and the world was all okay again.

Long story short (or not really, since this is pretty long): those crazy people reminded me that we should be brushing his teeth two times a day by this age and occasionally flossing. I smiled and nodded to affirm that I heard him correctly.

And then promptly discarded that information from my head.

Funny Husband Story

The other day, while driving in the car, the song "Until the Whole World Hears" by Casting Crowns came on the radio.

There is a section of the song that says "Ready Yourselves, Ready Yourselves...."

Seth looked at me and said "I really don't understand what radio sales have to do with anything."
Thinking he was kidding, I said "huh?!?!"

However, he was not kidding. He really thought the line said "radio sales."

Oh how I love him.

King of the World!

Seth does this thing with Carter where he stands him on his shoulders and parades him around the house and says "I'm King of the World!" Carter gets a good laugh out of it, and it's super cute.

Well, he brought the king into the nursery the other night, loudly declaring "I'm King of the World!" No sooner had the words left his mouth, and "BONK!," Seth hits Carter's head off the ceiling fan in the room. He put his lip down, about to cry when we did the "keep-the-baby-from-crying" clap and dance, which totally worked.

I, laughingly, declared an end to "King of the World!"

Well, Seth just called me at work a few minutes ago and said Carter was up from his nap (he's home with him today since Carter is still sick). He said Carter "bonked his head." I said "aww, how??"

Sheepishly (and holding back a chuckle) he said, "...oh, you know, playing "King of the World!" Sure enough, he reinstated the game and paraded him into the living room only to bonk his head off the archway.

Good grief. He surely must not feel very royal when playing this game.

Daddy is going to be demoted from game creation now unless it involves sitting on the floor.

Train of Thought...

A little sentimental in this post and a little funny.

First and foremost, this is the week last year that we heard the precious sound of our little boy's beating heart. I was eight weeks pregnant on September 25th of last year. Wow, how time has flown. I so vividly remember being about to throw up as I sat there in a cheesy hospital gown waiting for the doctor to come in. And I certainly remember being put at ease when she walked in the room and said "so, you're knocked up, huh?" and then chuckled. She was old so it made us laugh. But I was so much more at ease when she rolled over the little peanut and we instantly started hearing the heartbeat. Ah, memories.

Now for the funny...

As we sat here a few minutes ago, I asked Seth if he knew what this week was (referencing the above) and AGAIN, he said "Constitution Day." I'm having deja vu...remember this? :)

Also...Seth has been talking in his sleep a bit more than normal lately. We are generally very tired so it doesn't seem that odd to me. (No lie, I just stopped and laughed so hard I cried anticipating writing this down...it won't possibly be as funny to you because writing it just does it no justice).

The other night, probably 2 a.m. or so, Seth starts mumbling and sort of pushes me away a bit and says "Watch the baby!!" Naturally, I freak out and sit up, thinking he means he brought the baby into our bed after his feeding. No, Carter is not in there. So I said "huh??" And he said "Shh, I'm working on my prezi." (for reference, a prezi is a new presentation software for teachers -- he had been working on his "prezi" before bed for back-to-school night). Hysterical.

And then a few nights ago, he rolled over in bed and started "shhh-ing" me and patting my butt like we do to Carter when he's fussing. I laughed so hard during the night and it still cracks me up.

That's all for now - just wanted to share some memories and funny moments. :)

Funny in hindsight.

You know how I said I am emotional and can cry at the drop of a hat? Well, that was further proven last night. I was laying on the couch reading a pet supply catalog (yes, a pet supply catalog) called Drs. Foster and Smith that we've been getting since we got Bentley. They sell dog treats, beds, bones, etc.

In the centerfold, there was a small, 1/2 page story about "understanding euthanasia."

I made the bad decision to read it, and prompty broke down into tears.

I think Seth is counting down the days more than me. :) I love my puppy, what can I say?!?

Compliments from the Husband

While singing funny songs to Bentley, Seth chuckled, never once looking up from his video games.

"What?" I asked him.

Nothing. Just that our kids are totally not going to be able to sing.

Good thing I have a sense of humor! :)

<3 him...

Does Anyone Beat Around the Bush Anymore?

You know what would be great for the self-esteem?
If, when you're at the salon, the stylist that is washing your hair says "while the conditioner is soaking, do you want me to wax your eyebrows?"
And do you know what memories that would bring back?
The day before your wedding two years ago when you were getting your manicure and pedicure and the woman looks at you in horror and says "do you want me to wax your eyebrows too?" The day after you just had them done.
All of that hypotetically speaking, of course. But if that were to happen to *cough* me, I would probably just give in to their up-selling and do it, because you can never be too cautious about the eyebrows.