Rock-a-bye, big boy

It's irrational, I know. But it's a fear I can't seem to shake lately. And my guess is, you've likely felt it at some point in your life. Probably since Addison has been born, I've had this underlying fear that something could happen to Seth or I or the kids at any time, and am aware of the horrid grief it would cause. I mostly started realizing it when the kids became particularly "clingy" to one of us--right now, Carter to me. Big time. What if something happened to me?? How would he ever get through that? How would Seth grieve while comforting our babies? (I know, it's deep.)

His preference for one parent (generally me) is annoying at times, but seems to be especially frustrating at bedtime. In fact, a lot of times, we find ourselves getting frustrated by it because I feel gypped on free time and Seth feels gypped on father/son bonding time. Tonight was Seth's night to put Carter to bed and Carter was fine with that...until the time came. At which point he promptly lost it. 

He cried and cried in his room and I was standing my ground--"daddy is putting you down tonight." Seth tried and tried but he really wanted mommy. 

But then that white elephant in my brain crept in...God forbid, what if something happened to him tonight and you were too stubborn to just go in and comfort him? I would never, ever, ever let myself live that down. 

I went in and my precious little boy was sweaty, blotchy, and doing the post-cry heaving. 

"Mommy, rock me." 

Lump in the throat, for sure.

So we rocked. I cuddled and hugged. I sang. I cried a little. And I could slowly feel him relax and start drifting off. I've been here before and I had deja vu. But for some reason, it hit me extra hard tonight. No one is promised forever on this earth and I want to soak up that baby (um, toddler) sweetness as much as I can. 

He's now happily drifted off to sleep and I got extra snuggles with my love bug. 

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. 

An exciting start to 2014!

I've never claimed our life is boring, that's for sure!! 2014 has been off to an active start. The theme seems to be snow and sickness if we're being honest. :) We've had several little (and not-so-little) "storms" so far this winter, and it is complicating work schedules and such. Seth has missed five days of school I think, which means he's lost all of his make-up days and Easter break. I've worked from home quite a bit as well on those days, which is...interesting with two little ones under foot. 

One day I was home, I just took a few personal hours so that we could play in the snow. As you can imagine, it took twenty minutes to get suited up and they lasted outside for about five. Standard. 

Mid-month, we had an overnight visit from Michael, Sarah, and Ethan! We went to Chuck E. Cheese and the kids (and ahem, us!) had a blast. I was expecting it to be dirty and crowded but it was neither. 

Addison continues to get ear infections pretty frequently, and both kids get colds like it's their job. Addison got sent home from school last Thursday because she threw up. I got the call LITERALLY as I sat down to my desk at 7:30 a.m., so I made the drive back home right away. She was a stage 5 clinger all day and was a little mopey but never threw up again. The next morning, she seemed fine so I decided to take her to school so I could work. I was punching the code in the door at daycare and she barfed. Of course. Back home we went! We saw the doctor and the cultures in her ear came back negative for bacteria so I guess just something viral. 

Fast forward to Saturday. It was a busy day for us -- Seth had to judge an event at the high school, I had a cupcake order for Owen's 1st birthday and then we had Owen's party (as a sidenote, Feb 1st was POPULAR. We got invited to five parties that day!). I was FINE all day and was fine for an hour or so when we got to Michelle's house for the party. About twenty minutes before the party, I started to feel nauseous and it all went quickly downhill from there. 

I spent three glamorous (sense the sarcasm) hours laying on her bathroom floor, using a towel for a pillow and another towel to cover me since I had the violent shakes. I was MISERABLE. I managed to make it to the steps to watch Owen smash his cake and I probably shouldn't have because that stomach bug spread like wildfire through everyone there over the next two days. WHOOPS. 

Nonetheless, his party was precious....and I missed it. :( I don't even really have a good picture of him. So sad. Here are some pics of the party: 

Fortunately, I felt well enough for us to make the drive home and aside from feeling dehydrated, nursing a wicked headache, and cramping, I at least stopped the worst of it. Sunday was spent moping around and majorly disinfecting the house to prevent everyone else from getting it. Another snow day on Monday gave me an extra recovery day, which was awesome. Back to work for a day and then ANOTHER snow day today. Oy vey. Tomorrow is to be generally okay, but we're expecting another storm this weekend. I have a cupcake order this weekend but the mom and I decided we better plan for a Friday night pick-up to be safe! :) 

Hopefully everyone is having a great year so far and staying healthy and safe in this crazy winter weather!!